I'm in denial. I feel so lost. I messed up big time. My studies is now worse than crap, I hardly talk to my parents and most importantly.. I've been missing in action from church (the place where I once belonged to and found true happiness). I miss God. I miss those times when I used to kneel down and pray every single night. I used to always play christian songs, sing along and start tearing. I used to go to church every Sunday without fail. I used to go for prayer meetings every Wednesday. I used to be faithful, believed that everything is in God's hands and is God's plans whether I like it or not. I miss those times when I was so confident there was a place for me in heaven.

And now, everything dissapeared. I am now nowhere close to how I described myself above. I am always worried, scared, lazy, in denial abt everyone and in wahtever i do and i'm in total disaster. Basically i'm screwed up. I don't feel like doing anything that I have to do.. like studying. All I wanna do is.. to go back to God. Thing is,  I don't know how to do it. All the guilt in me, all those stinky sins and shame have already made me wonder if God has already given up on me. I know that the fact is He does not give up. But I feel so ashamed and selfish. I've never felt this way before. I mean, I dont know if He still hears my prayers, I don't know what He's assigned me to do. What if rapture happens tomorrow? All in all, I have thousand and one questions for Him.

I respect those people in church who stand strong and have such strong faiths despite all the problems they encounter. How I wish I could turn back time and undo all the mistakes I've made and the path I've taken. I gave in to too many temptations. It's time to wake up and face reality, Yee Hui. Yes, it is.

suddenly saddened by the fact that baby gotta go brunei to work for 2 weeks soon. yeah ure thinking "omg come on! it's only 2 weeks!" but.. i can't even survive without seeing him for a day *sigh* i shouldnt SHOULDNT S-H-O-U-L-D-N-T be so attached!! well, i still have great friends with me.. like erng mei, julia, manda, chris, neil and everyone but.. it's still different without the presence of bi hehe. AND.. he might get chosen to go china/hongkong to work in a resort for 1 whole year!!!!! =( i didn't know hotel management got such opportunities..

i think i'm gonna quit business soon. i have 0 interest in it! even though i'm doing alright in it.. like.. HD for all the small tests and shit... but.. interest is still important. I'm thinking of switching to hotel management lmao. yeah, u might think im switching just becuz ming's doing it. NO! well, i'm not too sure, if i have to start doing diploma all over again, then i wouldn't bother switching. I already told my mom about it.. but i definitely dont have the guts to voice out to my dad.

anyway, i wanna work. so if any of u out there have any part time jobs that pay ALOT and is something easy, do let me know!!! wanna earn some cash. nope, not for shopping. but for baby's upcoming birthday..

OHHH... btw.. please vote for JULIA at http://www.mix.fm/05/special/mmw07/thanks.asp !!!! It's the miss malaysia world 2007. MUST VOTE FOR HER OKAY..

sigh, here we are, at the cross roads once again.it is silly how the it all started.and it's always thanks to nobody else but me.i'm sorry.i'm sorry i'm sensitive.im sorry im possesive.it's only because i'm afraid.afraid of losing you.it hurts me when you raise your voice.but it hurts me even more if u're unhappy.i'm not perfect.but i'll do anything.anything to put a smile on ur face.i've never been so blessed.in your arms is where i wanna belong.i've never loved like how i'm loving you.i'll never know how much it takes for u to stomach all my shit but i thank you for taking it patiently so far. i'm ready for the worst to come.i promise i won't blame anyone but myself.

I'm gonna make this short and simple. I'm now working for this dumb DIGI FUYOHHH thingy.. it's like a cruiser.. we go to ppl's colleges and give out freebies. To cut the long story short, I had free vip tickets for Good Charlottes concert in Bukit Jalil last Sat. Needless to say, it was awesome! Though I was already freaking tired and drained out when GC came out at 10.30 pm (gates opened at 6pm n i reached at 5pm), but it was worthwhile =) Bi, nisa and neil, chris and bern, alina and dom, eben and jeff went too! But their tickets were normal ones lerr hehehehe..

Manyyyyy robberies took place among my friends and family. As mentioned in my earlier post, I got robbed not long ago. Just day before yesterday, my GRANDPARENTS got robbed at their HOUSE!!!! Can u imagine how f*cked up those macibais are? They entered the house with knives and tied my grandparents and 2 maids up. Then they demanded cash from my grandpa. Good thing my grandpa was prepared, so he wasn't all that shocked and traumatized. He gave them RM3k, but they claimed it wasn't enough. F*cking greedy assoles. Then they go dig every room.. which was 7 rooms altogehter and found about another RM1k, a laptop and my auntie's and cousin sister's passport. Desperate piece of shit. And guess how long they were in the house for? 1 freaking hour!!!!!!

Thank god they didn't drive away those cars that my uncle put at home temporarily. Because then, the company will suffer a biggggg lost. There were like 2 Subaru sti's, 1 alphard, and one more Merc or something.. can't rmb. ALL UNREGISTERED! Okay anyway, so I thought to myself, Malaysia is soooo blardy unsafe to live in. These stupid motherf*ckers have all sorts of methods and ways to get you and me. God knows what the police out there are doing. Haih.

Yes, it was freaking frightening! Me, Jaclyn, Mei and Manda were doing our work and chilling at centrepoint Mcd's at 3am when suddenly 3 motorcycles with 2 person on each stopped at the corner and had 1 on each bike hopped off their bikes and ran towards us. They covered their mouth and nose with a white cloth and they came and snatched everything worthy that was on the table.... INCLUDING Jac's laptop, my thumbdrive that was plugged into it (becuz I was doing work) and Manda's lighter!!! Look how desperate and pathetic those machan's were.

I saw it coming becuz I was sitting and facing directly at where they stopped but wasn't fast enough to inform the others. I responded extremely slowly because I was so shocked and didn't know what to do. They whacked Jac with a thick wooden stick and kicked Mei when she tried to stand up. She "flew" and her chair broke. Motherf**kers. Then Jac went and informed the McD manager and from the look of his face, this is probably the 10,0000th time it's happening. So yeah, watever... police came, took our report and told us to go uptown police station to make another report and we did.

The police was really friendly haha he looked all tired but he still did his job. Seriously for the 1st time, I see police doing their jobs. We were there for about 30-45 mins.. swt. Then he told us to go for checkups at Hospital Universiti for Jac's bruise.. incase got any internal injuries. After that we were told to go Kelana Jaya police station -__-" and contact this policeman but he was sleeping -__-

We all got so hungry. The robbery definitely scare the shit outta us but it didn't take away our appetite for food and laughter. We headed towards SS2 kayu and got quite scared but whatever la! makan then ciao! We actually laughed our asses off about what happened. But at the same time, pissed off at ourselves for not being able to AT LEAST give them a good punch on their blardy big balls for attacking us girls. All in all, great experience. Something that we'll all not forget. We are truly grateful they weren't armed with parangs or any sharp objects!!!

To all of u out there.. please always be alert!! We didnt' expect anything like this to happen and we were in such a relaxing mood when it did. So yeah, beware! Those dawgs out there always have their eyes on us. So be ready to poke their eyes using ur thumbs or kick where it hurts most... HARD!

You know when your birthday is, but how old should you really be getting married? (just put an x next to the things that apply to you)

[x] I know how to make a pot of coffee.
[ ] I keep track of dates using a calender.
[ ] I own more than one credit card.
[x] I know how to change the oil in a car.
[ ] I know how to do my own laundry
[ ] I vote every election.
[ ] I can cook for myself
[ ] I think politics are exciting.
[ ] I balance my checkbook.
[ ] My parents have better things to say than my friends.

Total: 2


[ ] I show up for school/college/work every day early.
[ ] I always carry a pen in my pocket/purse.
[ ] I've never gotten a detention.
[x] I have never gotten completely trashed.
[ ] I have forgotten my own birthday at least once.
[ x] I like to take walks by myself.
[x] I've watched talk shows.
[ ] I know what 'credibility' means without looking it up.
[ ]I drink coffee at least once a week.

Total: 3


[x] I know how to do the dishes.
[x] I can count to 10 in another language.
[ ] When I say I'm going to do something I do it.
[ ] My parents trust me.
[ ] I can mow the lawn.
[ ] I can make adults laugh without being stupid.
[ ] I remember to water the plants.
[x] I study when I have to.
[x] I pay attention at school/college.
[x] I remember to feed my pets.

Total: 5


[x] I can spell 'experience' without looking it up
[ ] I work out on a regular basis.
[x] I clean up my own mess.
[ ] The people at Starbucks know me by name.
[ ] My favorite kind of food is takeout.
[x] I have gained weight since middle/high school.
[ ] The first thing I do when I wake up is get caffeine.
[x] I can go to the store without getting something I don't need.
[ ] I understand political jokes the first time they are said.
[x] I can type quickly.

Total: 5


[ ] I have realized that the weather forecast changes every hour.
[ ] My only friends are from my place of employment.
[ ] I have been to a tupperware party.
[ ] I have realized that no one will take you seriously unless you are over the age of 25 and have a job.
[ ] I have more bills than I can pay.
[ ] All my friends are older than I am.
[ ] I can say no to staying out all night.
[x] I use the internet every day.
[x] My wardrobe hasn't changed in a while.
[x] I can read a book and actually finish it.

Total: 3= 18


HAHAHAHAHAHHA im getting married at the age of 18.. im now 20.. does that mean im never gonna get married? 0.o

Some random pictures to share :) teeheehee syok sendiri.

yeap, that's what im trying to do. very hard indeed. many times we expect the best from others and when they are not up to our expectations, we get dissapointed. confirm. well, no one's perfect. i wonder why the word "perfect" exists when God did not put perfections in any soul He created. anyway, my point is, the lesser u expect, the least u'll be dissapointed. it's like a.. hypothesis. yes!

i rmb having a very personal convo with a friend. name shall not be disclosed. in her serious tone, she asked "what do u look for in a guy?" and I gave her a longgggggggg list. Like, a guy who can cook, who has unlimited patience, great looks, great body, perfect dressing up sense, great sense of humour, rich if i may add blablabla. The usuals, ya noe. She responded rather surprised and just "hmmm"ed. She then explained to me "Well, what d'ya think u have to offer to him then?" I was stunned without an answer. For nights and days, I pondered n I still could not find an answer to that question today.

When i got together with ming, i realized i didn't look back at my "list" of my dream guy in order to check list him. i did not. now, the list is juz a selfish, pointless one and a dreamer's dream which is unachievable. there are thousands of weaknesses in everyone and usually, humans notice weaknesses FIRST before the beauty that lies within them. we point out others' weaknesses without realizing we're far worse, we judge and we bitch. But i truly believe that inner beauty replaces each and every one of those weaknesses. it could be something we can't see, but others can.

It is amazing how God "custom  makes" a person specially for all of us. it sounds funny but if you read further, ull know what im talking about. in all the couples i see (the long lasting ones), both of their personalities are balanced out. e.g. one party may be a rude ass but the other one is over patient and oftens digest the rudeness. it's basically all about give and take. if u are a great talker and can go on till the end of time, God will specifically create u a great listener. as great as how u are at talking ;) what an example. lol!!!!

u guys may not agree but.. this is truly what i think. adios !

Uni is great so far!!! No regrets going to Metro, twinning with Curtin Biz School. It's quite alright actually, definitely what I did not expect. I mean, I thought it'd be dull and boring with no happening/outgoing fellas to hang out with but instead, I have quite a few friends there in yr1 and yr2 (lotsa hot guys too), so I am not as lonely as how I was back in Taylors *bleargh*. Have been foosing almost everyday but unfortunately, I haven't been improving a single bit! And..... I HAVE A CAR!!!! $#@%$&^%* woohoo. Something that I never thought of getting. But firstly, I have to gain my parents' trust........... by not coming home late. I.SO.FAIL! Nvm, I still got one more week to prove myself =D Parking is a BIGGGG problem in Subang. I tried to get the permission to park inside Metro campus using my medical reasons, but the management declined!!! knn. Have to get a proper letter from Dr. Siva d.

Besides that, GUESS has succeeded in making me bankrupt. YEs, the damn sale. I bought 3 tops and 1 handbag from there. Oh-so irresistable *smacks myself*. Now, I can't even afford a gogofranks (my fave sausage stall in MV). Still waiting for a chance to wear the new tops and use the new handbag =( MINGGGG TAKE ME SOMEWHEREEE =D

Oh yes, the movie 300 is damn good. Well ,at least to me! Eventhough there are many bloody and brutal scenes, I still enjoyed it. Ofcourse, with Ming's hands covering my eyes half the time =D Yeap, I'm a scardy cat. I rate the movie 7/10. Pretty good eh? Next would be Pursuit of The Happyness. Guess I should bring 10 tissue boxes into the cinema. I bet you I'll cry hehehehe. Tell u a secret..... I cried during Narnia. Like, wtf right? Yes, Serene and Stan and everyone else had a good time laughing at me. That's all for now........................... taa!